*******The Top Ten Men!!********
1. The Doctor because he says,"Take off your clothes"
2. The Dentist because he says,"Open Wide"
3. The hairdresser because he says,"Do you want it teased or blown"
4. The Milkman because he says,"Do you want it in front or in back?"
5. The Interior Decorator because he says,"Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
6. The Banker because he says,"If you take it out to soon, you'll lose interest"
7. The Police Officer because he says,"Spread 'em"
8. The Mailman because he always delivers his package.
9. The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
10. The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice
LIST OF POSSIBLE SLOGANS PROMOTING NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK:
1. COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE U HUMP 
2. BEFORE U ATTACK HER, WRAP YR WHACKER
3. DON'T BE SILLY, PROTECT YR WILLY 
4. WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YR SPOUT 
5. DON'T BE A LONER, COVER YR BONER 
6. YOU CANT GO WRONG, IF U SHIELD YR DONG 
7. IF YOU'RE NOT GOIN TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACK IT.
8. IF U THINK SHE'S SPUNKY, COVER YR MONKEY 
9. IF U SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE TO CONDOMIZE 
10. IT W!ILL BE SWEETER IF U WRAP YR PETER 
11. SHE WONT GET SICK IF U WRAP YR DICK
12. IF U GO IN TO HEAT, PACKAGE YR MEAT 
13. WHILE YR UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP YR PENIS 
14. WHEN U TAKE OFF HER PANTS AND BLOUSE, SLIP UP YR TROUSER MOUSE 
15. ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT WRAP YR MEMBER
16. NEVER,NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER
17. DONT BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YR TOOL 
18. THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YR ERECTION 
19. WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER OIL 
20. A CRANK WITH ARMOR WILL NEVER HARM HER
21. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE! 
 

ORAL SEX-AN ODE TO LOVE:

Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck's he gonna cum
Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, yucky stuff
Okay, already that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And whats your revenge, your on the rag.


THE CREATION OF A PUSSY
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
the lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.

This pre-booty call agreement (herein after referred to herein as the ("Agreement") is entered into as of the _____ day of __________, 2000 by and between _______________________ and _______________________.
1. No sleeping over
2. No meeting in public
3. No calls before 2 A.M.
4. None of that "lovemaking" sh*t
5. No emotional discussions...(ex. Where are we heading with this? You know where it`s heading!!)
6. No plans made in advance... that is why you are called the "backup"
7. No non-sexual gifts (Altoids not included)
8. No baby talk (however, dirty talk is encouraged)
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers (in fact, no conversations are a plus)
10. No kissing (too intimate)
11. No calling each other "friends with benefits" (we are not friends and we never willbe)
12. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK (Phrases such as, HONESTLY I WAS THINKINGABOUT TONI BRAXTON", are completely acceptable)
13. No extra clothing (I don`t want your azz leaving anything behind that my real woman might find!)
14. No guilt about falling asleep right after sex
15. Don`t be offended if I don`t ask if youenjoyed it (I don`t care) and don`t ask me!! I`ll get mine you worry about yours.
16. I will not walk you to thedoor/carfor any reason
17. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be, "My roommate`s girlfriend"
18. Doggie style preferred (rare exceptions when I am tired and let you ride)
19. Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the better.
20. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes
** EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS: The aforementioned rules may not be altered or amended for any reason whatsoever. If any party attempts to change or alter any terms off this Agre ement, this Agreement will automatically become null and void and the parties hereto will have no further rights or obligations with arising out of the subject matter hereof.

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HHHMMMMMMM?

Do people wit no arms need deoderant?

Can a person wit no fingers, point me in the right direction?

Do blind people see there dreams or do they dream about seein`?

Can a person wit no eyebrows be surprised?

Do people wit dyslexia wipe they azz first then sh*t?

Can a person wit one leg put there best foot forward?

Can a person in a wheel chair run away from home? And if they do shouldn`t they be called roll aways.

What do you call Magic Johnson in a wheelchair? Roll-Aids (HA HA)

A toastto girlfriends and wifes...may they never meet.

Black people it`s the year 2001 and we have to start lookin out for one another and ourselve`s and be on the look out for HIV ya feel me. Hoe`s Impersonnatin` Virgins. HA HA!

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
Good girls spit, bad girls swollow; so to all the ladies out there which are you?

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK:
Remember it takes 46 muscles in your face to frown at someone, but it only takes 4 muscles to raise your arm and b*tchslap the f*cker up-sidethehead.

The Do`s and Dont`s to performing oral sex.

On a Female. Do`s
1.Make sure the coochie is clean!
2. Slowly make your way down tothe coochie, tease her a little.
3. Lick the inner thigh and make your way to the lips.
4. Lick aroundthe inner lips and make your way to the clit.
5. The clit is the spot you have to use yourtongue to lift the hood to get to the lady in the boat.
6. Suck on it, lick it, insert your tongue into her vagina.
7. For those of youwho are freaks lick the crack of her butt don`t be afraid to stick your tongue in her butt.
8. Don`t be afraidto use yourfingers while licking.
9. There is nothing wrong with a little nibbling.
10. Don`t be afraid to use some toppings. (ice, ice cream, syrup, honey, whip cream etc.)

DONT`S
1. Don`t just throw your face in the coochie hitting your mouth on her pelvic bone.
2. A 1/2 hour licking the inner lips is just not gonna do it.
3. Last but not least can someone please tell me the purpose of blowing on the coochie. The object is to make it wet. That is not a turn on.
Well fellas is this what you have been waiting for?

The Do`s and Dont`s to performing oral sex on a man.

DO`S

1. Make sure the penis and the balls are clean. Especially if they are not circumsized, slide back that extra skin and WASH!
2. Gently lick from the base of the penis to the tip of thehead.
3. Place the penis in your mouth keeping your mouth moist. humm a song or two.
4. Suck it lick it, keep it wet if your skilleddeep throat it.
5. If you can`t fit the whole thing in yourmouth stroke it and suck at the sametime just keep in mind keeping it wet.
6. Ladies don`t be afraid to hummm on those nuts while you have them in your mouth.
7. Don`t be misled ladies some guys like to be lickedfrom there nuts to their butts.
8. Lick the sides of the nuts.
9. Don`t be afraid touse some toppings.

DONT`S

1. If you cant deep throat don`t try to pretend. Youcan gag doing that. Nobody likes tobe getting head and have the girl start gagging.
2. Absolutely no bitinga little nibble on the head is sufficient. We are not vampires out for blood.
3. He is not to feel your teeth scraping the sides of his penis it leaves scabs.

Any comments are very much appreciated please feel free to write back.

*HARD TO SWALLOW FACTS*

If you ain`t in Philly, then it`s not a God damn PhillyCheeseSteak!
(Don`t let `em fool ya...)

Two wrongs don`t make a right, but three rights make a left.

Tryna holla at two people at once is called triflin. Fukkin two people at once is called a 3-some. Being in love with two people at once is called drama.

Too many females claim to be thick in the right places, even when they know they chunky azz is thick in the wrong places too! (hahaha)

More white people listen to rap than black people.

If a female ain`t willin to kiss you after you eat her out, she ain`t ready for thug passion.

When people say, "Tell me a little bit about yourself," they didn`t read your page.

Don`t it seem like a lot of fat girls be having the cutest damn faces.

For all those sexy independent ladies that claim they don`t need no man in the 2-G, Just remember...
WE DON`T NEED YALL EITHER... (LOL)

If you trip on the curb please don`t look around like you tryna be sneaky (that just makes it that much more funnier! I saw dat shyt nicca,hahahaha)

If you be smellin ya own farts and be like, "Damn, What the f_ck I been eatin?! You need to get ya colon cleansed!"

HATERS ONLY REMIND YOU THAT YOU ARE DOIN SOMETHIN RIGHT! REMEMBER THAT...

Females likesex just as much as niccas. You can`t even argue that shyt with me muhfukka.

If any of you females out there don`t like to suck ya man dikk I`m sure his next girl will (hint, hint)

Ugly girls be givin some good azz head!

Strawberry lip gloss turns me on like crazy!

Bo-legged girls are sexy as hell! (Stacey Dash,Nia Long)

Guys think all girls with big lips can suck dik. (Just watch those teeth boo...)

Masturbating before sex makes a nicca last longerrrr(ask me how I know, heehee)

Niccas can never keep a smooth face when they have an orgasm.
I`ve tried too many times but I still be lookin like Biz Markie overdosin on Viagra.

When the condom busts, most niccas don`t even stop.

Most niccas who say they`ll never eat puzzy be the first to suck the piss out yashyt.

Puzzy farts always make me laugh!!! (HAHAHAHAHAAAA)

If a thug ever tells you, "I`m not like the rest of these niccas out here." He gotta be lying! Cuz when it comes to thugs, the only thing that`s different is the game we run.

THE TRUE WAY TO A MANS HEART LADIES LISTEN UP CAUSE IM ABOUT TO BREAK IT DOWN FOR YA
*NEVER COMPARE HIM TO ANOTHER MAN
*NEVER BELITTLE HIM (ANYWHERE)
*KNOW HOW TO COOK (NOT REQUIRED
BUT ALWAYS A PLUS)
*MAKE A FUS OVER HIM (SHOW HIM HE IS NUMBER ONE)
*NEVER ARGUE WITH HIM
*GIVE HIM MADDDDDDDDD SPACE!!!!!!!!
*SATISFY HIM MENTALLY AS WELL AS
PHYSICALLY